


Lost Axis

by illuminist



Series: Director Parker, of SHIELD [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Offscreen character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-02-01 16:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12708747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illuminist/pseuds/illuminist
Summary: Matt was, if nothing else, Foggy's best friend, as horribly imbalanced and messed up as their relationship was. Without Matt in his life, Foggy tries to move on. A different masked vigilante helps.Set several years after Daredevil/The Defenders.





	1. The Amazing Peter Parker

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd - if anyone would be kind enough to let me know of any errors, please do so!

Peter is nothing but punctual. At the stroke of 11 PM, a soft _whirr_ and _click_ signal the arrival of New York’s born-and-raised webslinger, and Foggy feels something in his chest go warm.

“I give in. How do you manage that while holding coffee? And did you actually wear the suit into Starbucks?”

Peter raises his left eyebrow and passes over a paper cup, macchiato with caramel syrup. Foggy doesn’t remember when he mentioned his favorite drink. Peter’s got an ear for detail.

“Avengers trade secret.” The younger man takes a sip of his own drink and sits down on the ledge of Foggy’s roof. “I’d tell you, but then Nat would have to take you out in your sleep.”

Foggy gives a light chuckle from that, and Peter snaps his left-hand fingers. The red-and-blue Spider suit disappears in another _whirr_ and Peter’s suddenly clad in a white dress shirt, skinny tie, and tan chinos, a set of black rectangular glasses framing his face. _Very Silicon Valley,_ Foggy thinks to himself.

“Let me guess, Avengers trade secret?”

Peter’s laugh reminds Foggy of, for lack of a better image, polished wood – warm, clean, strong. For a soft ten minutes, they sit on the ledge and drink coffee in silence, drinking in the warmth of New York summer.

Peter breaks the silence first. “Do you think you could tell me about what happened with Matt?”

And suddenly, Foggy doesn’t feel so warm anymore. “I mean…” he breaks off. Tries again. “It’s complic…” Deep breath. “This is hard for me.”

“Karen told me, though her version involved quite a few expletives. I was hoping you could give me your story?” Peter’s statement turns into a question midway through. “If you want. I mean, if you feel comfortable. God, I’m twitching now.” Foggy glances down, and sure enough, Peter’s leg has independently decided to bounce up and down.

He takes a deep breath.

* * *

 

It begins with the Castle case. Well, really, it begins with the night Foggy stumbled drunkenly into Matt’s apartment only to find his best friend half-dead on the floor, but it’s easier to say that it begins with the Castle case. Matt drags Foggy into representing a gun-toting _lunatic_ , then disappears with some girl he hasn’t seen since college to fight _ninjas_.

Foggy stays anyways. He doesn’t know why.

Well, actually, he does know, but he won’t actually say that out loud.

Foggy fights his hardest. For Frank. _For Matt_. Frank screws it up, because of course.

Then Matt decides to hang up the suit and Foggy breathes a small sigh of relief. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate Daredevil saving everyone within a ten block radius, it’s just that he misses having a normal blood pressure, he misses playing pool with his best friend, he misses _Matt._ Matt, who pulled him through college and kept him from working for a soulless company bought out by Fisk. Matt, who stayed up and listened when Foggy complained about his life at 2 AM. Matt, Matt, who _lied_ , all this time.

And Matt, who gets roped in with Luke, Jess, and Danny, to fight even more ninjas. Who leaves Foggy without a thought of goodbye. For six months, Foggy cries himself to sleep at night and finds himself huddled in the arms of Claire, Karen, even Danny Rand, for fuck’s sake. Hogarth gives him a sad look every time she sees him, and he pointedly reminds her that he’s _doing just fine on the cases_ , thank you very much.

Matt comes back into Foggy’s life. Foggy loses it. Foggy forgives him, Matt fights baddies, and the cycle goes on and on for two years, until after one particularly brutal kidnapping, Foggy snaps.

He’s got a friend in L.A., someone he met at a company dinner while working for HC&B. Brian’s got a nice firm going and some group called the Pride has the legal system over there in knots, so Foggy takes the chance and heads to the City of Angels, away from a life of always playing second fiddle to a mask-wearing madman. It hurts, but he won’t admit that.

He’s in New York again for a Nelson family Thanksgiving when he bumps into Karen at a bakery. Karen promptly attempts to strangle him. _“He was comatose for fucking DAYS and you wouldn’t pick up your fucking PHONE, do you realize the hell you put us through? Jess bailed us out by forging your signature, thank god, because you up and LEFT and then he tried to KILL HIMSELF and what do you care, Foggy Nelson’s got more important things in the world, huh?”_

So Foggy, slightly out of breath, has an awkward reunion of Nelson and Murdock, where Matt forgives him all too easily (Karen doesn’t, because she has some sense), and he meets Kirsten and little Jackie. Kirsten has the patience and forgiveness that Foggy doesn’t. She’s able to accept Matt for who he is, all of him, so easily and Foggy feels the slightest twinge of jealousy. But he’s not going to destroy all the good that Matt has. (Again.)

When Kirsten comes down with ovarian cancer, Matt begins to slip and start making the kinds of mistakes Foggy remembers from early on in the black Urban Ninja days. One night proves too much for him, and for real this time, Matt is _gone,_ gone forever and Foggy can’t get him back. Somewhere in the cloud of his grief, he hears Kirsten talking with a young man in his late thirties: “ _Kirsten, you know that she has…abilities. She needs someone who can look out for her. I don’t want her getting involved in what I do either, but just in case, I want to be there. Please. Sign me onto the adoption papers, Kirsten.”_

And thus Foggy Nelson finds himself bawling uncontrollably once more, into the arms of Peter Parker.

 

* * *

 

Peter grabs him by the shoulders, and Foggy realizes that he’s shaking, vibrations travelling up through Peter’s arms and swaying the both of them. “Foggy,” says a voice from far away. “Foggy, breathe. Look at me. I’m going to breathe with you, ok? One, and two. One, and two.”  

“I’m not Matt,” says Peter, staring at him fiercely. “I make sure you know when I go out, and when I come back. I wrote that app into my suit so you know _exactly_ where I am if you need. I recognize when I’m in over my head and I call Miles, or Jess, or Doreen. And you know, I knew Matt pretty well too, and I know that he loved you. Maybe not in the way that I do, and sometimes the things that guy did were pretty fucked up, but he cared.” Peter gives a slight sniffle, and just like that, all hell breaks loose. Foggy grabs Peter in a hug and cries uncontrollably into the crook of his neck, _yet again_ , because he’s so _stupid_ …

“You’re not stupid,” Peter tells him wetly. “I cried plenty over Matt too. He was the big brother I never had.”

“Spidey-sense does mind reading now too, huh?” Foggy mumbles into Peter’s skin.

“Nah. That’s just a massive crush and a lucky guess. From a guy who hopes that you don’t hate the mask so much that you can’t find space in your heart to like a shy engineering geek who makes cool gadgets.”

Foggy pulls back and kisses him on the forehead.

Peter gives him a weak smile. “That’s all I get?”

Foggy pulls him in and Peter tastes like sleeping in on a Sunday morning, something soft and sweet and comfortable. The contact sends warmth billowing through his chest cavity and down to his toes. When he pulls away, Peter’s grin has much less wet and much more mischief.

“Thanks for talking to me tonight. And thank you for everything, in general. Good night, Mr. District Attorney. Go save New York, one case at a time.”

 The younger man snaps his fingers, then leaps off the roof to slingshot his way through the night.

“Good night, Spider-Man,” Foggy says to the night air.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirsten, Miles, and Doreen are shout-outs to various Marvel Comics. Doreen, in particular, has canonically beaten up Spider-Man. Using squirrel powers. Because she's awesome like that.
> 
> Peter's younger than Foggy and Matt by about ten years, I figure.


	2. Faustian Bargains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie’s screaming herself hoarse now. The door bangs open and it’s Dad holding her like he used to when she was little and had nightmares, and “Daddy, there’s a woman screaming somewhere I don’t know where, Daddy, he’s hitting her, Daddy, he won’t stop and I think he might kill her what do I do what do I do what do I do?”
> 
> Dad goes white as a sheet.
> 
> “You can hear it too,” he says in a hollow voice. “I…” Suddenly he’s holding onto her like a lifeline, shaking and absolutely bawling in her hair. A different Matt Murdock than the strong, immovable Dad she always knew is with her now, tears and snot rolling down his face. “I thought you were safe. I thought I did g-good…and…and you would never know how this f-feels. I…I…”
> 
> They sit together sobbing until Mom comes.

One of the clearest memories Jacqueline Murdock has is of following her mother in the office of the District Attorney (also known as Mommy’s Office). She’d ask about cases—they were confidential info, kiddo, sorry—and about law in general.

“Do you love Daddy?”

“Of course I do, sweetheart,” Kirsten says. 

“They why do you always fight him at work? You should work together.”

“Well Jacks, you know sometimes people do bad things?”

“Of course. They rob banks and hurt people. You put them away.”

“But what if someone said that you did a horrible thing, but you didn’t? Wouldn’t you want to be free?” 

Jackie sulks. “I guess…”

“That’s why your father’s here—to protect the people he thinks are innocent. My job is to work with Matt to find the truth.”

She pauses for a beat.

“And totally kick his ass!”

“Yeah, kick his ass, mommy!”

The stairwell door opens. Matthew Murdock, wearing red sunglasses and a knowing smile, steps through. He tilts his head first towards Mom. “You talk to your mother with that mouth?” Then, he squats down to Jackie’s level. “Anyways, you’ll find I don’t go down so easy, kiddo.”

Suddenly realizing something, Dad makes a face and nods again at Mom. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say a word, sweetie.”

 

* * *

 

When Jacqueline Murdock turns eleven, she gets in a fight at school. She doesn’t intend to use Light the Candles Across the Sky/Black Dragon Entwines the Body on Christopher, not really, but he totally started it. The jerk kept twanging her bra strap, and she asked him to stop. Three times. 

“Do that again and I’ll use one of my dad’s moves on you.” Well, maybe “ask” hadn’t been strong enough a word.

“Yeah? Your dad’s blind. What would he do, swing in the air with his cane?” He twangs the strap again.

Fifteen seconds later, Christopher Patterson writhes on the ground in pain, clutching at a broken nose. (It was a very clean simple fracture; any surgeon would be proud.) Jackie gets in-school-suspension and the Offices of Nelson & Murdock receive a call. A disgruntled Matthew Murdock soon enters Ms. Santa-Maria’s classroom for a private conference and leaves looking rather pale.

“Jacks,” he says.

“He totally deserved it, Dad,” she said. “Normalization of gender-based discrimination starts in small—”

“I know. I agree.”

“Wait, what?”

“But,” he says firmly, “there are ways to deal with people other than _breaking out moves from The Chaste_ and screaming _‘My Dad is Daredevil, you asshat!”_

“Yes Dad.”

“And we learn Bagua for?”

“Spiritual balance and personal mastery,” she delivers in a monotone.

 

 

When everyone gets home, Kirsten and Matt have a not-conversation made of facial expressions (on Matt’s part) and under-her-breath whispers (on Kirsten’s). They’re deliberately trying to keep her out of it, and it’s _not fair_. “Goddammit guys!” she yells.

“I’m probably not the best person to tell you this, but language, young lady,” says Mom.

“And I’m _definitely_ not the best person to tell you this, but people do deserve privacy sometimes, you know,” echoes Dad.

Whatever it is, Mom says something under her breath, and Dad shoots her a Look. “Call Foggy,” she ends up saying. “He’s wicked persuasive, and lord knows he’s pulled you out of this kind of mess before.”

“Yeah,” says Dad thoughtfully, “That’s a good move.”

Mom turns to Jacqueline. “You’re not going to spin-kick any more of your classmates, even if they’re jerks, right?”

“Oh my god Mom, it wasn’t a _spin-kick_ —”

 _“Jacqueline._ Your father’s _cover.”_

Oh. Jackie’s stomach sinks. “Yes Mom, no more martial arts.”

Dad pulls everyone into a group hug. It’s a surprisingly good feeling, even if she’d never admit it as a preteen. “I love you both, so, so much,” he says.

 

* * *

 

When Jackie turns 12, she suddenly finds _Super Smash Brothers_ to appear blurry…as does everything else, apparently. Mom takes her to the optometrist, and is none too pleased to hear that “sometimes nearsightedness is a bit of personal habit, a bit of genetics.” The glasses have rather thick lenses.

Once she hears yelling from downstairs later that night, she begins to hate them.

That morning, Kirsten’s eyes are red, but she kisses “I’m sorry,” into Matt’s hair and heads to work.

 

* * *

 

Dad becomes less willing to teach martial arts after the Christopher incident. With much whining, Jackie manages to prod her babysitter enough one evening. (Why she still has a babysitter is ridiculous. Stupid insecure helicopter vigilantes.)

“Mr. _Raaaaaaaannnddd_ ,” she complains. “It’s not fair. The world is a scary-ass place for a young woman.”

Mr. Rand gives her a pained look. “I feel for you, Jacks, but seriously. Matt would kill me. Then convince the Hand to work some mystic mumbo-jumbo to bring me back, so he could kill me again.”

“You could teach me a few things. He’d never have to know.”

A beat. 

They both burst out laughing. When a person grows up around a man who can literally _hear heartbeats,_ the idea of lying goes completely out the window. Family legend has it that Matt promised never to lie to Kirsten in their wedding vows, as a means of levelling the playing field. Dad always extended the courtesy to Jackie as well. For most of her life, it was a mixed blessing to be able to say how she felt about things to Dad’s face, and for him to give her brutal honesty leeway in return. That being said, the “freaky heartbeats thing” (thanks, Mom) made any attempt at pre-teenage rebellion _suck._

Desperate times. Desperate measures. She amps up the patented Murdock Kicked Puppy Face to maximum.

“Shit kid, don’t do that. I mean it, don’t. I can’t manage when Matt does it, and he’s all grey now…fuck! Ok, ok.” Mr. Rand sighs. “Just…don’t bring up the topic at all, ok? What Matt doesn’t know can’t hurt him. And more importantly, me.”

One sweaty hour later, Jacqueline decides she has a new favorite babysitter. Except Uncle Pete, who wins by default. Maybe she can guilt Uncle Pete into teaching her some things too.

 

* * *

 

A week after her thirteenth birthday, Jacqueline wakes up to screams. Not hers, at first. The first thing she hears goes something like, “Oh my god! James asked me to prom! Oh. My. God. Lexi, I cannot. I just cannot even. My ability to even is just like. Eeeeeee!!!”

Walls in NYC are notoriously thin. She rolls over. It’s a Saturday and she’s not putting up with this. 

She wakes up thirty minutes later to “WELL FUCK YOU TOO, TAXI MAN! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!” The country has racists and that’s a problem but right now her problem is _sleep._ There’s also some undercurrent of non-screaming conversation, which is _not helping_ , and when she actually gets up she will have _words_ with Mom about getting the landlord to enforce quiet hours.

The wave hits after fifteen minutes of precious, _myyy preccioouuusss_ sleep _._ People calling taxis outside. Kids being way too excited about the new _Game of Thrones_ episode. Someone being far too clumsy of a cook. And something like, “please, I’ll be good! Just please don’t hit me again oh no please NO PLEASE PLEASE NOOOOO!!!”

Jackie’s screaming herself hoarse now. The door bangs open and it’s Dad holding her like he used to when she was little and had nightmares, and “Daddy, there’s a woman screaming somewhere I don’t know where, Daddy, he’s hitting her, Daddy, he won’t stop and I think he might kill her what do I do what do I do what do I do?”

Dad goes white as a sheet.

“You can hear it too,” he says in a hollow voice. “I…” Suddenly he’s holding onto her like a lifeline, shaking and absolutely bawling in her hair. A different Matt Murdock than the strong, immovable Dad she always knew is with her now, tears and snot rolling down his face. “I thought you were safe. I thought I did g-good…and…and you would never know how this f-feels. I…I…”

They sit together sobbing until Mom comes. The screaming woman has gone silent.   

 

 

Mom clamps earmuffs over the both of them, then makes a spur of the moment trip to Bed Bath and Beyond. She comes back with a brisk tone of business in her step, carrying Egyptian silk sheets. “Been here, done this,” she says curtly. 

Surprisingly, it is also Kirsten McDuffie, not Matthew Murdock, who deals with the screaming woman. A call to Misty Knight has cruisers lined up the block in minutes. A call to Franklin Nelson has a court case prepared. A call to Marci Stahl makes sure that no suitable lawyer comes to Mr. Carter’s defense. Finally, a call to Peter Parker leads to the pair of Murdocks huddled on the couch with _Parks and Recreation_ and mugs of hot chocolate. 

Dad takes a wife-mandated break from his “extracurricular activities.” A (expensive) call to Jessica Cage-Jones ensures that no ne’er-do-wells take advantage of the situation. And slowly, things go back to whatever counts as normal in the Murdock-McDuffie household. Dad keeps going to group therapy with Aunt Karen, and starts up again on his night job. Mom rips defense lawyers to shreds. Uncle Pete comes by with issues of _The Economist_ and a copy of _Turtles All the Way Down._

Jackie discovers that pop music is _really bad_. She can’t believe she used to like “I Want Your Cray Cray” growing up. Saving up her allowance, she buys a used violin and locks herself in her room on weekends, composing. Sometimes, she finds Dad standing idly outside her room, a stupidly happy grin on his face. She yells at him to give her privacy, both of them knowing that no such thing can exist in a Murdock-McDuffie household.

Dad takes her to the Philharmonic every month. She’s never seen him happier than here.

When she gets fed up with sophomore year AP US History at Stuyvesant, Jackie casually sends a letter and tape to Royal Academy of Music in London. She forgets about it until one day, Dad drops his plate of dinner while reading the mail.

He has tears in his eyes. He pulls Mom to his side and they read, then cry tears of joy together.

She’s never seen Dad so proud.

So Jacqueline Murdock graduates from high school two years early and goes to the Royal Academy, where she wraps her heart in music and makes her (no longer second-hand, and very expensive, thank you Dad, I owe you) violin sing. It calms her mind and when she has her work around her, the screams of London are something she can bear. Cotton sheets, even, are something she can bear. Life is good.

 

* * *

 

Jacqueline, it’s just “Jacqueline” now, is wrapping her third-and-final year when she gets a call. It’s Dad, and he sounds like he hasn’t slept in days. “She’s got cancer, Jacks. Kirsten’s got cancer.” 

Jacqueline Murdock puts on her concert dress, made of stately black silk, and takes her violin with her to the stage. Performance now. Screaming later.

 

* * *

 

Uncle Franklin is the one who makes it to the hospital first.

“Shit,” he says. He runs out and Jacqueline can sense him in the world on fire, running to the bathroom, doubling over, vomiting.

Matthew Murdock, dressed in red, lies on the table. The heart monitor is flat. Kirsten McDuffie, formerly the District Attorney, has limited time due to ovarian cancer. These are the facts.

New York City has criminals. Nature abhors a vacuum. These are also facts.

When Uncle Franklin comes back, he’s not looking great. His heart sounds worse. He gives Jacqueline a once-over, and sighs. 

“I can’t stop you, can I?”

His heart hits a rabbit’s pace as he lifts his phone, and dials. 

“Hello Castiglione. You owe me a favor, and I need to collect now.”

If Franklin Nelson can’t stop Jacqueline Murdock, well, he can at least ensure she stays alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Light the Candles Across the Sky and Black Dragon Entwines the Body are actual moves from Bagua. It’s a cool martial art!  
> • Jackie blew Matt’s cover, and the teacher told Matt she’d put two and two together. Matt was understandably shaken. Foggy worked his magic and made everything better.  
> • Matt and Kirsten have a stable, happy marriage. Like any couple, they get in fights, then resolve them. Kirsten was worried that Jacqueline would go blind and start developing powers. In an emotional moment, she blamed Matt.  
> • The relevant non-Daredevil family friends: Jessica Jones from Jessica Jones, Misty Knight from Luke Cage, Danny Rand from Iron Fist, Peter Parker from Spider-Man Homecoming, and Frank Castle (Castiglione) from The Punisher.  
> • I Want Your Cray Cray. I just couldn’t resist. Kilgrave singing that song gives me life.  
> • “Performance now. Screaming later,” is a line I lifted from Hillary Clinton’s What Happened. With modifications.  
> • As ages go, I’m placing Matt at having had Jackie at 30, with Kirsten at 28. That puts Jacks at 19, Matt and Foggy at 49, Kirsten at 47, and Peter at 39 when the parents die.


End file.
